I’m meeting with my lawyer today for some last minute issues before going to court next Monday to finalize my divorce. I’m in the process of ending my second marriage in the span of 20 years. I was married the first time back in 1993 and when I was 33 years old, we divorced. I have always told myself and anyone who asked that we simply grew apart. My first husband was handsome, stylish, and funny when I met him but in my opinion he didn’t grow up and we grew apart. He is actually 2 years older than me chronologically but probably 5 years younger figuratively. We have 2 sons together and I have an older child from a previous relationship. Maybe we were too young when we married, maybe we just weren’t meant to be, or maybe we didn’t fight hard enough to stay together. Lots of maybe’s that I felt I learned from.
Well here I am again more about 10 years later, going through the same thing again with my second husband. A man I met online while waiting for my 1st marriage to end. My second husband was handsome, sexy, charming…really charming, stylish and funny. However, what I felt was different was that he was a grown up. He was 8 years my senior and a real go-getter. He didn’t wait for things to happen he made them happen. He took control and made my life as a single Mom much easier. He worked hard, played hard and adored me. We travelled, we enjoyed each other’s company immensely. He was everything to me. I was in love.
The problem with my second marriage, was that it was all based on a lie. And we disagreed on how many people should actually be in the relationship. I thought it should just be me and him. He thought it should be me and a few more women. Ha! Well we dated about 5 years before we actually tied the knot and before I discovered his ability to lie without reason and with the greatest of ease. EVERYTHING he told me about himself was a lie and yet he told me that he felt that I was too good for him (yeah right!) and he didn’t want to risk losing me by telling me the truth. (Really?) Did I mention that he is extremely talented in the art of persuasion. So, long story short, I believed him and overlooked his cheating as a temporary lapse in judgment.
In 2009, about a year after I discovered the “real” story, after undergoing surgery on my knee, I developed a blood clot in my lungs and found myself near death recovering in a local hospital. I had a lot of time to think about my life up to this point and realized that I could have been dead and that life is too short to not spend it doing the things you enjoy and with the people who add to the rich texture of your life. I decided to truly forgive him, put our problems behind us and said yes to marrying him. At the time I wanted to be happy and thought that being with him would make me happy. And it did for a while. But I was unable to completely forgive and unfortunately, he truly never changed his behavior. He just got better at hiding it. Earlier, this year, I discovered, that he never ended the relationships with the other women and had even started up some new ones after we were married. I had had enough and asked him to leave and stay gone this time.
And now it is September 2013, 4 years later on the eve of ending my second marriage and I’m sad, but well learned, and excited about what’s next. And just what is next, you ask? Well frankly, everything. I decided it was time for a complete overhaul and life reinvention. I left my corporate job of 13+ years and have decided to make a go of it on my own. I plan to become a life coach working with women such as myself, I’ve decided to become healthier by taking much better care of me me (mind, body, & soul), I’ve decided to become a writer (starting with this blog) and ultimately start over.
So, how am I feeling, well I am so hopeful and grateful for the opportunity to start over and reinvent myself.
Life is filled with so much possibility and I could never give up on the possibilities.
Next week, I’ll be officially single again.
Look out world….Here I come! 🙂